Hi, i am Preston Matthew Lee Harris and I was born on Wednesday 24 august 1994 at 6am at RSCH (Royal Sussex County Hospital) Brighton, at the very same moment as I’m being born a music band called The KLF were on a little Scottish island called Jura burning one million pounds in new 50 pound notes and I was working at the RSCH Brighton on the day I died and was cremated 26 years later on my birthday, amid the covid19 pandemic! 

Iv left behind my family, mum, dad, grandma,grandad, brother, and sister !! Sorry to you all XXX
 

I’ve quite a story on the decisions I’ve made and the chain of events and circumstance that have mapped my life, however the most important one, the one that brought my life to an end was also the most stupid, and the one that could have been easily avoided! With hindsight!! #toxicrelationships

2019

I was doing really well in all aspects of my life. I had disassociated myself from my peer group who when I was with i was getting myself into trouble, albeit for the correct moral reasons. 

I had obtained my CSCS card which enabled me to work on building sites and I started working continuously throughout the city and throughout 2019 and 2020. Also I was living back at home with my dad in the flat where I had grown up since the age of 8. I was working Monday to Friday, playing ps4 in the evening, I was listening to alot of music by a musician/busker in Brighton called Ren  he is outstanding ! I was paying my dad £60 a week rent and all was good.

November 2019

A long time family friend DannyB and his girlfiend Leah came round one evening with a girl called Casey Randell. She came into my room and we chatted then made out ! It’d been a while !! lol That was the fatal flaw in the scheme of things, and this was soon to become the most toxic relationship imaginable ! 

December 25th 2019 

The first signs of this showed on 25th and 26th December 2019 when I was staying at Casey's Nan’s house. Casey’s Mum Della and the Nana were being secretive upstairs hiding away from the younger children in the house in the bedroom. Upon exploring it transpired they were all smoking crack cocaine up in the bedroom and when offered some I politely refused, obviously.

Then later on in the day Casey's twin sister fell asleep upstairs and her phone gave the message alert tone, so the Mum, Della reads it and its from Della’s boyfriend to the daughter !!!! A Proper Jerry Springer moment that was!! So then it all went mental and kicked off with me in the middle of all this chaos!! 

This all really span me out and I had to ring my dad to share all this with him, I had no idea this was to be my last ever christmas, I should have made my excuses then and legged it home to my dad, but I didn't and I continued to hang in there with her,  being supportive and trying to diffuse the situation, which as u can imagine was nigh on impossible !! 

January 2020 

Madness of christmas all over with and spent new years eve at home with my dad and casey and some friends. Covid19 had just become a big thing on the news about an airborne flu virus from Wuhan, China and now how its hospitalising all the old people in the UK various different stories circulating but no real facts, advice or information. 

Face masks! Hand sanitise!

23rd March 2020

The government announced that the first lock down was to start today and ordered people to stay at home ! This would be reviewed weekly and based upon the scientific data available ! Luckily because I worked in construction I was exempt from this and could keep on working whilst most others were forced to stay home, forced into lock down! Facemasks, 2 meter social distancing everywhere ! More facemasks, it was all rather unclear and uncertain! it seemed the government didn't really know what to do so just had parties at downing street, whilst the rest of Britain was locked down at home! All uncharted waters it seems and it all will come out in the wash no doubt!!

April 2020 

Casey was spending nearly every evening at mine, in my bedroom with me and my PS4, and every weekday morning I’d get up, get dressed and go to work. 

Every day I come home from work at teatime and I just want to play my PS4 and chill out. Casey would be moaning at me, moving all my stuff around and talking to me like I was a waste of space, also she was getting paranoid about other girls that I know, but for no real or apparent reason. Often my dad whose bedroom is right next to mine would hear it all and at some point would shout “Oii stop it” through the adjoining wall which did quieten her, for a moment, then when i saw my dad next I would have to apologise to him for her behaviour. 

This got steadily worse as time went on.

June 10th 2020 

My dads birthday and a friend of mine Jamie was doing a little outdoor party at Pyecombe. The first lock down had not long ended and it was good to get outside with my dad and his girlfriend Ivon. I’d had an argument with Casey a few days earlier so she wasn't there putting a dampener on things, however my mind was obviously occupied thinking about her and our shit relationship.

July 2020 

Casey was now spending all her time in my room whilst I was at work and she had moved herself and all of her clothes in, rearranged my bedroom to suit her and her stuff. She had to leave her nan’s house and now had nowhere to stay.

We didn't ask my dad if he minded about this and whether he would be OK with her staying in my room temporarily, it was kind of obvious that he would realise what was going on, which he did and he quite rightly said that my room wasn't big enough for me never mind for both of us to spend so much time in, which was obviously correct.

I remember one day when she had been accusing me of sleeping with an ex girlfriend because she had found a random false eyelash in my room and she was saying that I was just a waster and that my dad was a waster too ! How dare she say that when she’s staying here for nothing and doing nothing! So I remember crying on my dad’s shoulder asking him how I could be with a girl who talks to me like shit all the time and disses my dad all the time too ?

He didn't really have an answer for that as he has had several failed relationships himself ! He just said I should go with my heart and either try to work at it and fix it or cut my losses and finish it, neither kind of felt good or worked out though

Saturday August 8th 2020 

I went saw my best friend and brother from another mother Hayden Dawson and told him I wasn't happy about how things were and that i felt like killing myself because of how she had make me feel. He was shocked by this and it was a bit out of the blue but he tried to make me feel better and to change the outlook I had on things, particularly Casey. I nodded and agreed in the right places and then left his, my head not feeling much clearer but giving the impression to him that I was OK 

He didn't say anything about this to my dad *** TRIGGER *** ** INQUEST FINDINGS ** 

he thinks if he had, that things would have been different and I’d still be alive ! 

** WRONG ** *** TRIGGER *** ** INQUEST FINDINGS **

Monday August 10th 

Two weeks till my 26th birthday !! Woohoo !! Not getting much this year, I’v asked my dad for some Nike sliders to wear around the flat because my Penguin slippers have worn through !! 

I go to work at the construction site at the RSCH (royal Sussex county hospital), there is a voice that I’ve heard a lot there and I really recognise it but because of the covid19 face mask rule and regulation hard hats it is hard to visually recognise people, however at lunchtime I put the voice to the face, it was Gage, a plumbers mate who had once rented the spare bedroom at my dad’s flat. Upon finishing work he took me over the road to the pub, The Saint Georges Inn, Kemptown and he bought me a pint.

I then rang my dad as Gage wanted to speak with him. 

My dad was at his friend Sam's house in Newhaven and said he was staying there for the night and would be home Tuesday. 

Result !! I speak to Casey and she says she will come round to the flat shortly. Gage went to the shop to get a couple of bottles of vodka and beers as I was skint until payday and then I spoke to my little brother Frankie and he said would pop round to see me at the flat with his best mate Alfie. 

Shortly after I got to the flat Frankie and Alfie arrived, then unexpectedly my dad turned up, I jokingly said to him “ ha ha coming to check up on us are you ?” to which he replied “no he wasn't and he’d come back to get something” but needless to say now people couldn't come to the flat so we all arranged to meet down on the lawns at Grand Parade.

Tuesday August 11th 03.55am 

I manage to communicate with Casey through facebook messenger as I’v lost my phone and Casey doesn’t have one and arrange to meet her around the corner from my flat, I need to tell her how I’m feeling and try to fix this.

Upon seeing her things deteriorated quite quickly and I told her how I felt, I told her I felt like I should go and kill myself because of how she had made me feel, to which her response was “yeah, do whatever” and she walked away !! 

I stood there numb ! That was not what I had expected to hear or maybe it was, either way I didn't think she would deal with it in that way !!

Tuesday 11th August 04.10am

I go back in the flat, into the front room where my dad was still sat watching netflix or something. He asked where Casey was, but I didn’t reply I just sat on the sofa cussing her off for ten minutes, how dare she say that and then just walk off. Fucking bitch Cunt BITCH cunt bitch ggrrr !! After ten minutes of this I just went quiet thinking about maybe that is the way forward, the way out, the answer to this toxic relationship, but I cant do that, dont be silly, but also I can, she wants me to, no one cares if I do anyhow, I’v had enough ! After ten minutes of this intense silence but 1000000mph brain thoughts I stand up and leave the front room closing the door behind, I vaguely hear my dad saying something but it sounds like I’m underwater I walk down the hallway, i grab one of my dads yellow ratchet straps, I grab a screwdriver and I go to my bedroom door.

I looped the strap around my neck twice and over the top of the door and then put a dry-liner screw through the strap at the top of the door to stop it slipping I then tossed the screwdriver to the other side of the room out of reach.

I was still kind of standing in my doorway but with slouched my legs half taking my body weight this pulled the strap tighter around my neck. 

A few minutes later my pain, my mental torture, my depression, my dislike for myself all ended and I had freed myself of this pain in my brain.

Strange how only 10months of being in a toxic relationship can totally change your life or end it depending on your luck!!

Or not !!

Sorry Dad xx

I LOVE YOU XX